And I am feeling my fall blues approaching too soon. It’s like, “What’s the point? Why are we here?” I know it’s the depression, but that doesn’t help mentally. My logic dictates one thing but my emotions tell me something else and their voice is stronger. I want to bury myself in a hole or run away from this. Depression or any mental illness stays with you all the time You cannot brush it away, hug it away, or run from it. You have to face it, get help, talk to people, and all those things that the depression tells you NOT to do in order to “feel” better. Even then it is only temporary because something brings it back. Whether it is something you control or not, it comes back. I tend to self-sabotage. Stop taking the meds I know that help. I feel lazy and worthless and it is hard to crawl out of the hole. I know I will. However, there will always be another one.
write every day
even if it is one for a couple of minutes
write every day
so, here goes
I have these story starts singing in my brain. Sometimes I write them down, maybe even get to a few chapters, then I lose it. Not sure why. Hoping a change in lifestyle habits will change my mood, increase my motivation, and just get me jump started. Move more, eat sensibly, and write write write…
I find that when I’m down, I pick. Literally and figuratively. My fingers find small pimples to pop or dead skin to pluck or I grab the nail clippers and cut as much off as possible or get the pedi-thingamabob and slough off the dead skin on my feet. Something to remove imperfections on my external self. It helps me think. This becomes a way to rid me of the bad. But it doesn’t quiet the voices. They’re always there. Somewhere in the back. Angry, evil, negative, an inner bully that will not ever be completely shut the heck up!
OK, I’m rambling. Sorry, but sometimes I wonder if others have these same issues? Comment if you share this oddness.
I’m what one would call obese and extremely unfit. I can’t fake that.
Doctor’s have told me to walk, make better food choices, portion control, I know all the right things to do. I swear.
Several weeks ago, I found a video on FB abut a new type of dance/exercise. I debated buying the program. Only $80! But I had no idea if I could do it. Maybe I would spend the money and it would sit on the shelf and go to waist (pun intended). So I search online and found a couple of 5 minute videos of the program. The point is to add them together in whatever way you want to make a work out program that you can do.
The moves were very easy and I could do 2-3 songs and not be in pain the way I was walking outside.
SO I did more searching. I found more, longer videos. 15, 30, 45 minutes.
Now I do up to 15 minutes in the morning before I shower just to warm up my muscles and get my blood moving. When I get home from work, I do 20-30 minutes. On the weekend I do it all together so I have a 40-60 minute walk in my living room.
Well, the scale tells me I have no lost weight.
Am I discouraged? A tiny bit.
My feet have shrunk. I’m thinking my circulation is better so they do not swell every day. I am more flexible, able to pull on socks without getting out of breath! And! the BIG AND! I lost a pant size!!!!!!!!
So it’s working… not in every way but in some ways. So out the window goes discouragement. and in comes a new ME!