And I am feeling my fall blues approaching too soon. It’s like, “What’s the point? Why are we here?” I know it’s the depression, but that doesn’t help mentally. My logic dictates one thing but my emotions tell me something else and their voice is stronger. I want to bury myself in a hole or run away from this. Depression or any mental illness stays with you all the time You cannot brush it away, hug it away, or run from it. You have to face it, get help, talk to people, and all those things that the depression tells you NOT to do in order to “feel” better. Even then it is only temporary because something brings it back. Whether it is something you control or not, it comes back. I tend to self-sabotage. Stop taking the meds I know that help. I feel lazy and worthless and it is hard to crawl out of the hole. I know I will. However, there will always be another one.
This is my new tat. See the previous post explaining the meaning of the semi-colon. I found this image online and it hit me as apropos for me. I’ve been touch by suicide many times. Attempts and successes of friends. My own attempts. And the thoughts of friends and family who were close but brought back to the light.
Remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Only by living and supporting each other can we survive. Go hug a friend today! That person may need it more than you know.
This is my daughter’s new (from yesterday) tattoo. A very important message.
For those of you who do not know, the semi-colon is a symbol for suicide awareness. The butterfly can be a symbol of rebirth. And the words speak for themselves.
The most crucial message to teach our children is love. Especially loving oneself. And in order to teach this, the parent must live it.
Monday already. And June, we’re almost halfway through the year!
Somedays I feel like I have done absolutely nothing, Mostly those are the days when projects are many but small. Larger projects give me more of a sense of accomplishment.
How about you?
People often ask writers how are they inspired. Life can be an inspiration. Some of my work comes from dreams. I suppose I have a vivid imagination. Last night I dreamt about a woman on vacation with her two small children. A couple approach and ask about her kids. Then she notices there is a baby doll in one car seat of their car and another older look child doll in another. She tries to get away but they take one of her children and pursue her to get the other.
I really dreamed this right down to her changing the diaper of the baby and her mother trying to help her get away from the bad guys.
Weird. I don’t know why or how I dream this stuff but it helps me with new ideas.
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Time cannot dissolve the pain
The scars stay fixed and fibrous
Remodeled bone creaks again
Fear shades the day, forever timeless
Nothing can heal those wounds
You’re broken, no longer whole
Evermore changing, reckless moods
An empty receptacle of a beaten soul