tired…

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I’m getting either lazy or frustrated with posting every day. My apologies. Too much packing. High anxiety. And battling lack of sleep. I feel lost and alone even though I know there are people around who can help. I just hate to ask. They have lives too! Far be it from me to take them away from their responsibilities to help with the mess that is my life.

I cannot wait to get out of this house now. I want to wave my magic wand and make it all happen today. I want to be in the other house, sleeping in a bed, and unpacked. I want to be settled.

Thanksgiving went fine except that I missed Mom terribly. I cried. I just could not prevent it. I still feel very sad. I miss talking to her. I miss just knowing she was there.

Anyway, life goes on and so must I. Even when I feel like I have no strength left. I must push forward.

More moving

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The days are getting shorter and it seems I have more to do. Today is the pre-Thanksgiving luncheon at work. Have my pasta salad ready to go! It’s pretty good, taste tested it myself.

Not sure if the family is doing Thanksgiving this year. Mom’s house is a mess because of the move. Mine is the same. And really, without Mom, I don’t care either way.

Friday I will probably be moving stuff to Mom’s house to save money on the movers. The more I bring now, the less they’ll have to take.

The day after I move, I am having someone come clean the house so it will be market ready. I cannot wait to get out of here, but I will be leaving some ghosts for sure.

On to better days…

Stuff, stuff, and more stuff

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Stuff, stuff, and more stuff. I have accumulated so much over my lifetime. I’ve decided it doesn’t make me happy.

I went through some old Christmas stuff and decided to get rid of it. I know buried among the ornaments are ones from Mom either passed down or bought for me. I’d rather have Mom then all this stuff. I am keeping the Christmas village houses that I made and a couple of nutcrackers but that’s it. I haven’t touched this stuff since before Sally and she’s 12 years old!

So, if anyone thinks I’m nuts, so be it. I could probably make a little cash selling it but I just don’t have the energy or time to do so. I think tossing or donating it would make me happier.

Remember this when your kid says they want something. How long will it last? Will it give them joy? Or will it collect dust and eventually be tossed.

Mom’s house

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This thinking about something to write everyday can get tedious.

Anyhoo… J brought some stuff over to Mom’s house. I think I’m going to keep calling it that for a while. Mom’s house. She was the only owner, so I still think of it as hers even though I own 1/3 of it. Someday I will call it my own.

Getting quotes from movers, getting my house power-washed, cleaning, packing, etc. Lots of work to do and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. So, if anyone has any words of wisdom, please pass it along!

My brothers and SILs have done so much work with cleaning up Mom’s house I feel guilty asking them to help me.

Rambling

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Nervous and happy. Story of my life, right? I’m always worried the decisions I make will be wrong. I am looking into buying Mom’s house from my brothers. Time to negotiate then go to the attorney and draft the agreement. UGH. So much to do. It’s time for my magic wand if I had one. I could just POOF and it would all be done.

And what’s up with medical bills? J goes to the same place, has been going there for years, and now I have 3 accounts with them. When she turned old enough, they stopped billing me and started billing her but now there are two accounts under her name. SMH.

So, does anyone need any used furniture, VCRs, Blue Ray players… If there’s anything you need used, message me. I might have it and be willing to give it away, possibly free, just to declutter my house.

So, after therapy today, I’m visiting my possible future home, then going to an open house down the street to see what the house that’s just like mine looks like on the inside. Want to know what it looks like so I can price mine appropriately.

A moment please…

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Although my “having a moment” moments have decreased, they have not faded. I think they never will. Something happens and I want to tell Mom but she’s not there.

Grief is odd. It is different for everyone. It ebbs and flows, pulls you down, twists your thoughts, then reminds you that life goes on. Chin up, shoulders back, pasted smile on face and move on…

You don’t get over loss. The way loss makes you feel just changes over time.