It’s not one thing
That makes me…
I haven’t known a happy Easter in many years. One Easter I went to church and watched my little girl in the pageant while my other little one was tucked safely inside me, only 28 weeks old. I can remember thinking that someday, daughter #2 could be in the pageant too.
Well, life takes its twists and turns.
Little Maggie came too early on Easter Monday, she went straight to heaven before I could hear her cry or comfort her.
I will never forget certain moments of that week. Hearing the doctor say there was no heartbeat.
They asked me if there was any chance of domestic abuse.
Holding her tiny body and wishing she’d open her eyes.
The nurse telling me the state took my daughter’s tiny body. They wanted to do an autopsy to determine her death. I told them NO!
I can still feel my breasts being fully engorged the day we placed the little white coffin in the ground. My mother carried her to the grave.
I wonder if I should have let my other daughter see her before she was buried.
It’s all clear as day. The pain has lessened over the years. I don’t cry as much.
I will never have a truly happy Easter again though.
Monday already. And June, we’re almost halfway through the year!
Somedays I feel like I have done absolutely nothing, Mostly those are the days when projects are many but small. Larger projects give me more of a sense of accomplishment.
How about you?
People often ask writers how are they inspired. Life can be an inspiration. Some of my work comes from dreams. I suppose I have a vivid imagination. Last night I dreamt about a woman on vacation with her two small children. A couple approach and ask about her kids. Then she notices there is a baby doll in one car seat of their car and another older look child doll in another. She tries to get away but they take one of her children and pursue her to get the other.
I really dreamed this right down to her changing the diaper of the baby and her mother trying to help her get away from the bad guys.
Weird. I don’t know why or how I dream this stuff but it helps me with new ideas.
I am grateful for my feet for even with pain, they allow me to stand up for my family and friends.
I am grateful for my legs that help me to get to my daughter when she needs me.
I am grateful for my arms as they help me show affection with hugs to my beloved ones.
I am grateful to you for reading my books, my posts, and still being my friend, confidant, reader, or whatever relationship we have.
I wish I could pay back all the kindness you have shown me. All I can do is say, “Thank You.”