Since my mother’s passing I have been writing little blurbs on FB and I thought I would copy them here:
10/9/2019 7:26 PM
I’m thinking about carrying on my mother’s idea of posting something every day. I don’t know if I can be as witty as she was or as well-spoken.
Today Mom was laid to rest. I think she was there. At the funeral home, each of us was given a rose to place on her chest. I placed the first one. I think there were eight of us in a row, placing each delicate flower, one atop another. Tears welled in my eyes. The last rose didn’t stay still. It continued to move for several seconds after it was placed. My bother would say there is some scientific reason for this. Physics.
When I saw it, I stopped crying and thought, “she’s here with us.”
Rest in peace, Ma. You’re home.
10/10/19 5:53 am
I’m not sure I can be coherent this early in the morning. The sun isn’t even up yet. But here I am getting ready to get back into the life that I had before the passing of my mother.
She was my rock. My center. My home. I still hear her voice telling me it will be ok.
Please tell your loved ones how much you care for them every day, every chance you get. You never know when it will be the last time. Honor your parents. Hug your children. Be kind to all.
10/11/19 6:00 am
Happy Friday. Perhaps the best day of the week? Let’s hope so. At least I have the day off.
I see Snickers is the treat of the week at Walgreens. Why do they tempt me like this? Ugh. In a world full of unfit people, we should be promoting healthy snacks. Although I don’t even know what a healthy snack is anymore. Fruit has too much sugar. Carrots, the same. Nuts are “good” for you, but they have fat. That leaves us with kale or ice; I suppose.
Anyway, I have to get my tires replaced then go to Mom’s house today. Don’t know what the plans are after that. Taking one day at a time.
10/12/2019 8:20 am
Morning all! Yes, I’ve been up for a while. Even did some grocery shopping. There wasn’t much to buy. Still it took a while.
Grocery shopping is one thing I hate to do. How about you? I’d do a delivery service, but they don’t pick out produce like I would.
I feel like poop today. Maybe a cold or the flu. IDK. Coughing is the worst part. Times like these I miss my mom the most. She always made things better. Now I have to do that for myself and it’s just not the same. J does what she can, and I appreciate her help. It’s just different than having Mom stroke my hair or make me soup.
Well, time for more cough medicine then perhaps some more sleep.
Have a good day all!
10/13/2019 5:22 am
October 13th will never be the same again. Happy 84th birthday Mom. You are missed. I am blessed to have had you as a mom.
The whole family has some sort of illness. We’re all coughing. Some have bronchitis, others – allergies or another reason to be coughing. We probably all got it from the same place as we were spending a lot of time together this past week. Oh, the joys of family sharing.
I should probably still be in bed, but Sally woke me up as she always does. She’s a good dog. Loving and sweet.
No major plans today. Just resting up for a week of work. Depending on how I feel in the morning, we’ll see if I go to work. I most likely will. Missed too much work already.
Well, I hear it is about 10 weeks until Christmas season. Damn this year flew by. We typically do not get gifts for each other. It’s more important to spend time with the family then in the stores. Besides, why spend a ton of money when half of the stuff isn’t needed. Christmas should be about people, not things.
Happy Sunday all!
10/14/2019 5:50 pm
Monday, Monday. So good to me. Whoever wrote that must have been high. LOL. Remember that song?
Well, it wasn’t too bad, but it wasn’t as good as a Sunday. Nothing is as good as spending the day doing either what you want to do or need to do, not what someone else asks you to do.
How was your Monday?
10/15/2019 5:14 am
There’s a poem called The Dash by Linda Ellis. The dash refers to the line on a gravestone between birth and death dates. That little dash stands for the time spent here on Earth. It means so much to those who knew that person. My Mother’s dash was not a straight line; it was full of twists, turns, rises and falls.
Last night I thought about another dash. The one on my daughter’s stone. Maggie died the day before she was born. But to me, her dash started the day I found out I was pregnant.
We had been trying to conceive. We even got tested for fertility and bought the medicine to start treatment. The day after I bought the drugs, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was elated. Most of the pregnancy was normal. Except Maggie had a two-vessel cord, where there should have been three blood vessels. They told me this meant problems with the development of some organs but not to worry about it. Many healthy babies are born with two-vessel cords.
Good Friday I had an ultrasound, one of many. The doctor had no bedside manner and made comments about my weight. He pushed my tummy around trying to get a better picture.
Saturday, I went to see my friend thinking everything was ok. Sunday, I went to Easter mass. I remember rubbing my tummy and wondering if Maggie would take part in the Easter pageant in future years. It was not meant to be.
We found out on Easter Monday that Maggie’s heart was no longer beating.
I waited to call Mom. It was around 2 am and I didn’t want to wake her with bad news. I’m not sure what time I actually called her, but she came running as soon as she knew.
Mom was with me through the entire process of labor and delivery. She held my hand and spoke soothing words.
My point is that the dash can mean so many things to different people. Although Maggie’s dash was short and lived inside me, it was just as important as anyone else’s dash. She profoundly changed the lives of the people around her. I learned how precious life can be. I remember her often and wonder what life would be like had she survived. Would I have divorced sooner? Would I now be a single mom to two living children? Would Maggie be smart and beautiful like her sister? Would Julie be more outgoing?
Please remember to live your dash well. Be kind. Offer a smile to people you don’t know. Hold the door open for someone. Hug your family and friends every chance you get as it may be the last time you see them.
10/17/2019 6:02 pm
I missed posting yesterday. Just wasn’t up to thinking.
Today I received an orchid plant. Pretty. I’m sure it won’t last long in my hands, as I’m not very good at botany, LOL. I’m keeping it at work. I have the bouquet I received at home. All white flowers, roses and mums, and some greenery. Also, very pretty.
People keep coming to me offering condolences. Some are more genuine than others. It makes this whole grieving process a roller coaster even more so.
It’s ok. I don’t like the attention, but I truly appreciate the sentiment. It’s good to know people care.
I still want to call Mom. Ask her how her day was. Recently we’d talk mostly about doctor appointments, physical therapy, and visits from friends. She had many. You find out true friends when you’re sick. They send kind wishes, maybe gifts. They visit or call more often to check on you.
I know my mother was well-loved. I hope that I have as dear of friends as she does. Sorry, did.
I miss her so much.
Although I am tempted to buy her house to keep her close, I’ve decided financially this is not the time. It would be a good house for J and I. Not far from where we already live. Smaller and easier to manage. All one floor. Only a couple of steps to get in the front door.
Well, now is not the time. I have her with me regardless of where I live.
Hope you had a good day today. Fall is definitely here.
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