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What was the one experience that completely changed your life? What happened? How did it change your life?

OK, here goes.

I grew up wanting to be a Mommy. Mine was so cool. I thought it would be the best job in the world. Life took it’s own path and I didn’t end up having a child until well into my thirties. J is the light of my life and I wanted another. I wanted it so badly; I was willing to do fertility treatments. Then, a couple of days after I purchased the medicine to begin the fertility journey, I found out I was already pregnant. Do you know how that feels?  Amazing!  I was thrilled.

Things progresses normally at first. Then, the Doctor found a problem. Normally, an umbilical cord has three blood vessels. One vein, and two arteries. My daughter had only two. This happens more often that you think. The doctor said they would monitor the growth of the heart and kidneys as they might be affected by this condition.

At about 28 weeks, I went for an ultrasound where I had my first one done. I told the doctor at the facility that I would not return as I had switched doctors. He was rude during the conversation. Not only that, he made comments about not being able to see my baby’s heart very well because I was fat. (Yes, he actually said that.) He poked and prodded and pushed my abdomen around. 

That was Good Friday.

Easter Sunday we were at church. The children’s pageant. I was thinking that perhaps next year or the year afterward, my baby could join her sister. I remember rubbing my tummy. Yet it was not meant to be.

Easter Monday, in the hours before dawn, the unthinkable happened. I will spare the details but before darkness lifted, I was told my daughter was gone. She had no heart beat.

How unfair is life? Why did my daughter have to leave? Why is my living child without a sibling? 

By this time I was already into my forties. If I had any chance of having another, fertility treatments were a must.

In the months following, my body was uncooperative. Eventually, a hysterectomy was the only option for a normal life.

I still think of my Baby Maggie. She is watching her sister and waiting for the day when they will meet again. Sometimes when I see a child who is about the age that Maggie would be, tears fall from my eyes. It still hurts. Time does not heal all wounds.

I wish medical science could put an end to birth defects, miscarriage, and stillbirth. No one should have to lose a child.