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10/15 ~ This is my candle

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mags

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As yet, untitled

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Time cannot dissolve the pain

The scars stay fixed and fibrous

Remodeled bone creaks again

Fear hangs in the air, forever timeless

Nothing can heal those wounds

You’re broken, no longer whole

Evermore changing, reckless moods

An empty receptacle of a beaten soul

On being a mom…

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There is no greater love, no greater purpose than being a parent. Whether you actually conceive and give birth to a child, adopt, or otherwise find yourself being a parent, there is nothing more challenging or rewarding.

I miss when my babes were small enough to hold in my arms. When giving them a bath, smelling their hair, tickling their toes, and blowing raspberries on their tummies was a daily occurrence.

But when I see my daughter as the young woman who gives joy, helps people, and spreads kindness, I cannot stop myself from feeling proud. I helped make her the way she is.

Yes, my mother taught me well. People around me gave me clues. I read books and watched other parents. I made decisions based on all of this to mold my young lady into someone who can be a change agent. She has faced difficulties. She works hard. She nurtures relationships.

My darling, as you face the next big steps in your life like learning to drive and choosing a college/career, know that you will always be loved. You are my rock and my pillow. You are my guide and my follower. You are my child and my parent. YOU are my WORLD!

lily

changes to a better life

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I’m what one would call obese and extremely unfit. I can’t fake that.

Doctor’s have told me to walk, make better food choices, portion control, I know all the right things to do. I swear.

Several weeks ago, I found a video on FB abut a new type of dance/exercise. I debated buying the program. Only $80! But I had no idea if I could do it. Maybe I would spend the money and it would sit on the shelf and go to waist (pun intended). So I search online and found a couple of 5 minute videos of the program. The point is to add them together in whatever way you want to make a work out program that you can do.

The moves were very easy and I could do 2-3 songs and not be in pain the way I was walking outside.

SO I did more searching. I found more, longer videos. 15, 30, 45 minutes.

Now I do up to 15 minutes in the morning before I shower just to warm up my muscles and get my blood moving. When I get home from work, I do 20-30 minutes. On the weekend I do it all together so I have a 40-60 minute walk in my living room.

Well, the scale tells me I have no lost weight.

Am I discouraged? A tiny bit.

BUT…

My feet have shrunk. I’m thinking my circulation is better so they do not swell every day. I am more flexible, able to pull on socks without getting out of breath! And!  the BIG AND! I lost a pant size!!!!!!!!

So it’s working…  not in every way but in some ways. So out the window goes discouragement. and in comes a new ME!

Dinner

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Each weekend, I prep 4-5 bowls of fresh cut veggies for the week’s lunch. Since I was sick this week, I ate a lot of soup. Which left me with the veggies.

My kid had friends over during the day and made rice and beans.

Not wanting the veggies to spoil, I tossed them in a sauce pan with about a half cup of tomato sauce and heated until the broccoli changed color, a more vibrant green, and the tomatoes nearly disappeared into the sauce. I tossed in about a half a cup of rice and bean and heated thoroughly. A sprinkle of sharp cheddar on the top and voila! Dinner.